by Varshha
Rewrite The Stars Review turned two on September 1st, 2024! In celebration, we held a Slam Poetry Competition on August 31st over Google Meet.
Each of the 20 young and talented writers were given twenty minutes to compose a poem based on five prompts inspired by the five issues RTS has published. When the timer was up, they all read aloud their poems and voted on a winner via Google Form.
With all the votes in, Rewrite the Stars Review are proud to announce our two winners: Shivi Sharma and d.liu!
Shivi (@feralembers)
The world is on fire, I'm dying and these are my seven minutes:
I was six when I first ran away from home. I've always been running since then, the land of fire, I've always been obsessed with it.
I was seven when I felt how it truly feels to cut your arms and let the blood exit you like everyone else would do like it's water. I was a people pleaser.
I was eight when I first understood the difference between loneliness and being alone. The people on TV are the ones who decided what my feelings meant. I found it funny.
I was nine when I stayed alone for the first time. It didn't feel scary. It felt the same, I don't know how to explain it.
I was ten when I stopped living in the moment and so I barely have memories left inside of me.
I was eleven when I first wrote about women empowerment knowing very well that I was my worst enemy, I still am and I don't think I'd ever be able to change that. They started calling me "ember". Most people never understood why.
I was twelve when I first thought of dying. I've thought of death before but never with so much passion that I'd want to experiment with it.
I was thirteen when they told me that I'm not enough. It didn't hurt because I'd been saying that to myself for years.
I've always been half girl, half metaphor.
Bio:
Shivi Sharma from Delhi, India is living under water (not rock, water). Partially because she likes to call herself spongebob or kiwi. Considering the fact that she's a water sign, she thinks that being one keeps you hydrated enough. She loves watching Suits or Gilmore Girls on repeat. You can find her being (in)sane @feralembers on Instagram where she occasionally posts her work (which is either all at once or after months)
What the artist had to say about the piece:
Okay, so I’m being completely honest, there's a part of me that hates every single second of my childhood. I genuinely don't know why but it exists and there's nothing I can do to change that. The piece is more of a confession than a prose poem because (secret, i've done half of those things) and also that I was never even planning to participate, partly because i'm stuck in writer's block (again) and i just wanted to say hi to the RTS team who were hosting it :((
Also, hi others, i'm just a girl and I promise writer’s block won't kill you.
Ara
I love how linear and organized this is, yet at the same time very raw and personal. It’s incredible that something like this could be created out of the top of your head. The last line is very powerful and wraps up the piece beautifully. I also love the fire metaphor at the start, and “ember” at the end, although I think the inclusion of even more fire metaphors would make this overall stronger. I also think that the usage of more description would be useful in letting us really empathize with the character, especially descriptions that use the five senses/physical stimuli.
Aashi
To start off, I LOVE the inspiration and motive behind this piece. I feel like it personally connects with me a little bit so I genuinely can feel the passion. However, there are some notes I have made to help out on the execution. The first one is consistency. At the start of the piece, there was a chronic usage of short fragments to set a flow in your writing, rather than transitioning terms. Though near the end there were a couple sentences that used transitioning terms. I’m not sure if this was intentional but as a reader I can connect better with your piece when it feels to me like you’re consistent and write it as a whole. An example of my comment is when you said "I was ten when I stopped living in the moment and so I barely have memories left inside of me." Instead of that, to keep your flow, you can split it into two different phrases. Additionally, I noticed some spots where commas could be used. Make sure to use proper grammar and usage of conventions! Lastly, I LOVED THE LAST LINE. It finished off the entire piece with such a strong tone. Genuinely, this is by far one of my favourite pieces i’ve read at RTS, and with improvement you could make it the BEST! I’m so proud of you Shivi!
D.Liu
crimson wood
watch the kaleidoscope shatter,
melting through the tips of my scarred fingers
watch me trace your silhouette with white ink,
blurs of happiness severed by the machete of time.
my heartbeat reverberates at the edges of my ears
until it replicates somber tinnitus
ba-dum, ba-dum,
it hurts, my heart,
breathe in, breathe in
until i grasp the intangible to hold tightly
in my cusped hands
until i hone my arms into an axe
squeeze my veins for crimson and acrylic
to paint a paradise for you
but you merely glance at my slitted scarred skin
you stand, motionless, as we play cup telephone,
i whisper what is and you hear what was
i love you, i say
i love you, you hear
but it is not the same.
so watch my tears drip gasoline
to light your shirt aflame.
Bio:
d. liu is a rising junior who is an avid writer, but even more so, an avid wanderer, feeler, and explorer. she enjoys being out and about, connecting with people, and exploring the world.
What the artist had to say about the piece:
I really enjoyed the prompts at the slam poetry event. There were a lot, and what was special about them was that they were extremely detailed, so naturally it helped me with visualising imagery. I went with the flow and just carried my thoughts into words, which crafted my poem!
Ara
This is such a beautiful piece, with a wide and masterfully used vocabulary. I’m very impressed with the creative metaphors, especially the ones about cup telephone and gasoline tears burning the shirt. Each line is unique and feels fresh. However, I think the piece would feel overall more cohesive if there was some kind of tie between the metaphors, or a repeated metaphor/structure/line. It would help with consistency and organization, which is something difficult to balance in slam poetry.
Aashi
The first thing I noticed when I started off with reading your piece was the capitalization. There was none at the start of any fragment. Now before you take this in a negative connotation, I loved it. You consistently kept using lowercase and even if this wasn’t intentional, one thing I love to see in poetry or prose is CONSISTENCY. It also added a little character to your piece, small things go a long way. As much as I sensed so much emotion in this writing, there is something I wanted to suggest. For the reader or the listener to connect better with your piece they need some sort of context. You added an array of metaphors but you didn’t give that much context of the situation. This does leave a lot to the imagination of the audience but to ensure that your character and piece is being represented correctly, I'd recommend adding some more context. Overall, it’s awesome, nice work!
In conclusion, the Slam Poetry Competition was certainly engaging and fun. We extend our deepest gratitude to all the poets who shared their profound words and their unwavering support. We have witnessed the power of poetry to connect, inspire, and transform. Let us carry these moments with us, and continue to celebrate the art of spoken word.
Be on the lookout for more such events soon! Stay in the loop by following our instagram or checking our website for updates!
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